I am just not ready to concede

I think about the possibility that I could be a single person for what seems like an unimaginable period of time.

I have been what may seem fearless for most of my life and at this thought I take pause. I have been the daring one, nothing has ever scared me. I would race my bike, jump higher, run faster than others on my block as a child, you name it and I wanted to conquer it. This relationship and life thing though, have proved to be quite the competitor.

One person can have a good time, but two people have a ball. Now, I do enjoy my solitude, however after a while, I tire of talking with myself and need a differing opinion. I hear, only alcoholics drink alone so the occasional glass of wine is out. Then there is dancing, I have decided that learning new dances after 25 is hilarious…for the kids.

I consider that my hands and feet are two parts of my body that are always cold no matter what season and when there are two in bed; I can press my feet and hands against another for warmth. Understanding and feeling that you are loved by another is right up there with how I feel when I have learned something well and I know I know it and no one can make be unknow it, kind of surreal. It’s like being in a shoe store and surrounded by the smell of leather, like a grandmother’s hug that is tight and comforting.

I think about the possibility that I could be a single person for what seems like an unimaginable period of time…and I am just not ready to concede...I believe in God, friendship, love, marriage and mind-altering sex that has the ability to quiet all my fears.

I am thinking about the possibilities.