having faced this fear and conquered it…

Star date 07/20/2010, log:


I pulled up just in time to catch the shuttle; it was pulling up just as I was rushing from the car and dashing across the street. This was so nice, a great start to the day, until I noticed that I did not have the car key . Upon looking back, there it lay, alone, in the street. Such a critical decision at 8:30am….

I let the shuttle roll on by, without me.

Today I had a meeting with my boss and I kept my composure. Yes, I resisted the urge to share my inner most feelings about the total lack of response on his part ….lol, insider.

This evening, I went to handle a personal business matter and of course working at the counter would be someone that I knew personally, someone that we both know, personally.Darn! I looked from at all the folks at the counter and amongst those of us in line, quickly trying to determine whether or not, she would wait on me, gesh…my lucky day.

As fate would have it, I drew the window next to hers and was able to handle the matter, but I would not be so lucky as to get out of there without "catching up"…you know the photos, status updates, and the question that I try so hard to avoid…are yall still together? Gasp!!...I didn’t faint, didn’t fall out, or break down in tears as I had anticipated (you see I have these scenarios play out in my head all the time). I was able to smile and shake my head to denote, no, we aren’t…I am going to count this as a success because I was able to say with great confidence, “We’re good though, real good”…

As I left, I felt such a sense of accomplishment for having faced this fear and conquered it…The fear of acknowledging that there is no longer a “we”, only me.