This year would have been 15 years. 2009 will go down as the year that a dream fell apart.
Was at work on Tuesday, when you broke the news, folks were around and I couldn't talk, didn't get to say anything..really..Is that what you wanted I wonder? I'm not mad, promise I'm not!
Just needed to tell you.. I have wrestled with my notice. Played it out and wondered what, I understand, I may never know..why now? Why did you stay with me on Sunday? Did you know then? Who /what instigated our finality? You have always followed your own mind, Always been who you are. I still trust that. In this case you are simply just doing what you feel is best for you and I respect this.
Since the day that we committed to reconcile, I have understood what you reiterated many times which is, "At the end of the day you may decide that this relationship is not what you want". You have simply decided that our relationship is not what you want. That, I can swallow...that is what the person I know would say if that is what he felt.
I set this course when I lost my way, almost six months ago. I can deal with that. However, I will never buy that you have not seen or felt my efforts, you have shared as much with me directly. You have said that have seen and felt the work that I have put in.
I am confident of my efforts, through our direct conversations, answers, sessions, and prayer of my desire to pick up our pieces and move forward and understood that perhaps in time it might be possible.
In my mind I go over all of the things that will now never be in my heart. It hurts so so bad and I know you know this, you have felt it. It hurts because I wonder how we strayed so far from one another. There are probably a lot of things that can go on some list of who did or didn't do what. It is almost comical that right at this moment none of that matters to me......
What do I say as the finalty has been set during this, 15th year that we have been husband and wife?
Do I scream - It would fall on deaf ears /Do I plead - I have done this /Do I beg - I would if would help/Do I swear - You might get a kick out of this
No, baby, I pray! I pray for our beautiful kids and their strength, It is so not their fault and not fair that they are in the middle. I pray for us that as we go forward in different directions that we will be respectful of the kids and one another with the public and private decisions that we will no doubt have to make. I pray for acceptance of God's will, and I Pray for you. That you find the what, the who, that you need from past, present, or future, and that God allows you to accomplish every goal and dream you ever have. I pray will with all my heart for your eventual happiness, no matter what it means, I pray for your health and your wealth.
I am committed to us continuing to be the great parents that we are.
I am going to ask you for patience, as I get use to all the ways and avenues that I will no longer be able to say, This is my husband.... I will talk with my husband... I will ask with my husband... I will lay in the arms of my husband, as I grasp the clear fact that there is no competing against a will that desires to go another way!
I got it ba.. I am crystal clear and I know we will get through the next few months as you direct our next steps.
